In less than 48 hours, I managed to swipe through every man between the ages of 32-44 years old within a 100-mile radius.
It's astounding how quickly our brain makes up its mind -- we know within a split second whether we are attracted to someone's physical appearance or not.
Out of hundreds of candidates, I only swiped right (liked) about 50 times.
I am writing this piece because I think I would have been more inclined to "like" more men, had their profile pictures been more appealing, yet I found myself turned off instantly by certain images.
We all know beauty is in the eye of the beholder; this piece is a subjective assessment, a perspective, not to be taken as the be-all and end-all (that's not my intention.)
Everyone deserves love and I'd like to help in any way I can, so here's my feedback: 30 Tinder profile pic don'ts:
1. A picture of you with drink(s) in hand and/or in mouth.
I don't need to explain this one, do I?
2. A picture of you in a baseball hat.
Do you have hair? Do you not? I don't know. There is nothing wrong with having no hair, I would just like to know so there are no surprises when we meet. You would want to know if I did or did not, right?
3. A picture of you with sunglasses on.
Do you have eyes? I think so, and I'd like to see them. They say a lot about you, you know?
4. A picture of you in a baseball hat and sunglasses on.
Take them off. Be proud of how you look. You don't need to hide.
5. A picture of you with other men.
Which one are you? I'm so happy you have a gaggle of buddies, but I'm interested in you, not them.
6. A picture of you with other women, namely your ex-wife, ex-girlfriend, the Red Bull rep, or a cardboard cut out of a Victoria's Secret model.
I don't think I need to explain this one, either.
7. A selfie in the bathroom mirror (with or without clothes on).
Some women aren't bothered by a picture like this, but I am.
8. A selfie in your car (with or without your seat belt on).
I don't know why, it makes me cringe.
9. A picture of only half of your face, or just the top of your head.
I'm interested in dating all of you, not just part of you.
10. A picture of your children, without you in it.
I am a proud parent as well, but I need to meet you before I meet your kids.
11. A picture with your headphones in, or around your neck.
I think it's tacky. I'm sorry, I do.
12. A picture of you half naked or fully naked.
I live in Phoenix -- the land of the good body. I care more about your good heart and your good mind. You can show me your 6-pack after a few dates.
13. A picture of you at your last body building competition.
There's someone for everyone, we just aren't a good match, I guess.
14. A picture of your latest tattoo.
I have tattoos, too, but you'll see them when we meet. I don't need to show them to you just yet, so unless the tattoo is a photograph of your face, save it for show and tell in person.
15. A picture of you getting your latest tattoo.
Yeah, no one needs to see that.
16. A picture of a beautiful landscape, without you in it.
I love photography. I love nature, but I'm not interested in dating that tree or that glacier, I'm interested in dating you.
17. A picture of your home, without you in it.
That immediately tells me where your priorities reside, and we won't get along.
18. A picture of your car, semi, airplane or motorcycle, with or without you in it or on it.
Same thing. I find it in poor taste. Do you really want a woman who only values you for your things? That won't last long, I promise.
19. A picture of you being arrested.
No, I will not bail you out.
20. A picture of you holding a gun or pointing it at the camera.
Scary. I think you're on the wrong site.
21. A picture of you flashing the peace sign, the cunnilingus sign or the rock-on sign.
I find it immature, but I'm sure there are some girls who love it.
22. A picture of you at the gym, lifting weights and taking a picture of yourself in the mirror, at the same time.
This tells me you care more about the way you look than the way you feel. Again, we won't get along.
23. A picture of you with a helmet on.
I can't see your face!
24. A picture of your dog or your cat, without you in it.
I'm not into bestiality.
25. A picture of you at the dentist, in the chair, with the bib on.
Gross.
26. A picture of you with your wedding ring on.
If that's the only picture you have, then you haven't been divorced long enough to be ready to date.
27. A caricature as your profile.
Cute, but put that in the lineup, following your profile picture.
28. A picture of a team jersey, without you in it.
I'm not the girl for you. I'm not a sports fan.
29. A picture of your face superimposed on Fabio or Jesus' body.
You've got a great sense of humor, clearly, but you're not Fabio or Jesus, right?
30. No picture at all.
Swipe left. Nope.
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I wrote this to be humorous and helpful, not hurtful.
The most important thing is to portray yourself as you really are. So, if any of the above 'don'ts' describe who you are, then by all means, don't change a thing. May you discover the love that you deserve. Good luck!
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