Therapy helped, but you still notice your kid is struggling to adjust to the new situation.
You read every book on parenting, but you're still frightened your kid is going to grow up to resent you. After all, the family unit is no longer. What can you do?
The answer is simple...
Listen. Listen to what your child is telling you. Pause. Observe their body language. Look at their behavior. What do you hear?
Is he or she silent? Listen until they speak. Be open and available for when they're ready to talk.
Is your child benevolent? Yelling, angry, or crying?
Listen.
Children want to be heard after mom and dad get divorced. They've been striped of their childhood identity, and now they need all of the love and attention that's available.
Most parents are going to lay all of their anger, sadness, and guilt on their children. Children don't need that.
They need strong parents. Children need to be reassured that everything is going to be ok. Children want to know that there's still hope for safety, peace, and happiness.
You're building a new environment for your family, and you have the chance to make it right. All you have to do is be compassionate, understanding, and praising of your kids. Let's break this down...
Compassion
You have the golden opportunity to be a role model. You can show the kids that you care and there's still hope to have an awesome future even though mom and dad aren't together. The family is going to be just fine.
Compassion toward your youngsters means that you're present and in the moment when they need you. You're available when they have questions and you check in to ensure their basic needs are being met.
Give them the safety and security they need. They're precious and they deserve it.
Understanding
Not everyone understands what's going on in your kid's mind, and it might not be your job to find out. When you're fortunate enough for your kid to open up and talk, place yourself at their level: physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Look into their eyes and reassure that you understand where they're coming from.
Make sure the kids know that you know what sadness, anger, and resentment are like. Relate these feelings to a story. Be honest, but don't lay all of your problems on your precious offspring.
Understand what's going on in your kid's life and meet them with your heart, your whole being, and be present 110%.
Praise
Some kids think they are the reason their parents got divorced. That's probably far from the truth, and you need to reassure them with the truth. Do this with confidence and words of praise that build their self-esteem.
Even though they might be struggling socially and academically, find ways to praise your kid in the most subtle of ways. Tell them how pretty or handsome they are. Praise their efforts for helping you around the house. Take them out to a nice meal and show them that you care.
Always tell your children that you love them.
Divorce has this reputation for sending kids into a place of self-loathing and resentment, but it doesn't have to be that way. You can make the conscious decision to make a happy and healthy home full of compassion, understanding, and praise under the foundation of love.
To keep your children happy after divorce, you don't necessarily have to buy your kids gifts and treasures.
The most precious gift you can give your children after divorce is your attention, love, and gratitude. Wake up every morning, look at your children in their eyes, feel your heart warm up for everything that they are, and share that joy with them each and every single day.
Max DuBowy is the author of The Ultimate Guide to Self Care for single parents who are ready to fall in love and get back into action with joy and confidence. INSTANTLY DOWNLOAD A COPY OF HIS FREE GUIDE HERE.
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